I’ve been thinking of different scenarios in my head…

what would I be feeling if I see you once again.

Before I met you, I didn’t know if I was capable to love someone.

You proved me wrong.

You woke up every emotion in my body.

You made my heart beat,

you made my mind sway.

Things I told myself I will not do, I did.

You made me feel emotions I never felt before in my life

and gave me hope

that made me believe

I can move mountains.

I entrusted my heart to you and no one else.

I was glad you were always right there beside me…

up to the very last moment.

I’m sorry I was too immature not to show and express to you completely

how much I loved you.

I’m sorry if I hesitated to show you what was bothering me

the last few months, weeks, and days we were together…

If there’s anything I would love to see

before I leave this earth

— that would be you.

If there’s any continent or city

I wanna travel to right now…

that would be to where you are.

And I can!

I can buy a ticket to you right now…

The only thing holding me back…

are the people we will end up hurting.

When I loved you,

I loved you with all my heart.

I was too confident that nothing would ever hurt us or break us apart.

I was really sure that we would be in each other’s future someday.

But knowing what I know now,

I really wish I did more for you.

To keep you in my life…

I should have fought for you more.

I shouldn’t have given up too soon.

Was it because I wasn’t  strong enough to fight for you?

Unfortunately…

life doesn’t work out the way we plan to be.

We cannot stop the time

just so we can live out

our one single greatest moment.

Of course, you can try to ‘stop living in the here and now.’

Believe me, I tried.

But that doesn’t change major things in the present

and it doesn’t stop  the other good things from happening in your life.

Maybe it’s not the good that we want to see…

But everything changes.

Everything around you changes.

The emotions stay,

but everything else goes…unfortunately.

And that is  how we wind up to who we come to be…

I was sixteen back then…thirteen when I met you.

Now I’m twenty-five.

You were fifteen when I met you…

Eighteen when l left you…

Now twenty-eight.

A lot of things has changed,

A lot of days have passed.

I still remember you

–vague memories of you…

the details of your face,

the feeling I get when I know you’re coming,

the worry I feel when you leave for the night,

the relief I feel when you let me know you got home safely.

The good thing is…

Some things never change.

I was and will always be this way with you.

I can’t change it.

Maybe my time with you has already passed

and there is no way going back.

Maybe the last time we said goodbye…

was the last time I will ever see you in this lifetime.

Maybe the next chapters of my life…

I’ll have to live without you.

But there will always be a space

in my heart,

in my life,

saved up for you.

In case you decide to come back…

For now, I really wish you the best…

Although I want to be the best thing that happened to you.

Sigh…

Did you know I really wanted

to travel the world with you?

I said I wanted to go to Vienna or Paris…

I wanted to go share those special moments  with you.

LESSON today: Learn how to cherish each moment. Cherish people.

Just got home from Mark’s reunion with his highschool friends. It was Juno’s last weekend before he goes back to the Philippines. Jen and Adam  was there  too and Mike Lumba. I saw the other Mark. And the other ones came after Drew and Emjay. Emjay was a little late because he just got back from Hawaii. (Man I wanna go to Hawaii…)

Jacob  loved the madeleines I got and enjoyed munching on the Blue Bunny red velvet ice cream cone that I made him while playing bowling by himself. Man! I love my nephew! and Averi of course was sleeping.

I ate a lot of the burger Mark made. What I ate definitely made up for the whole day I was starving…don’t ask…I was being LAZY all day.

Jen  finally broke the news to Juno. At first Juno thought she was joking. Mark V. eventually found out…and shared that his grandma passed away from colon cancer. He said she was in remission for ten years at first, but the second time it came back…it was already to late and she passed away…just too depressing I admit…it hit me once again. I felt this fear so immobilizing. Like something bad will most likely happen and you can’t ignore or deny the weight of the situation because it’s at least ninety-eight percent true (if not a hundred percent true.)

We’ll NEVER really know when God says it’s time for us to go. For now, all I could do is to cherish every moment I have with the people I love. And try to shrug the pain other people has caused us, because in the end, those little things won’t matter. Think about the worse things that could happen and didn’t happen (at least yet.) Learn to forgive. Learn to let go. We’re one day less with the people we love every  day. Be thankful for each moment. Cherish every waking moment with the people around you right now. Who knows when your luck will run out?

Speaking of lucky, I got home safe after drinking a shot of tequila and a few other drinks.